i'm swimming in a mirror;

[veardant]

[ tighnari plans most things in his life vary carefully, and his heat is no exception.

past years he has dealt with it alone, but past years he has also lived quite far from civilization, so the all-consuming desire to seek out a mate was easily quelled by the fact that there was simply no one suitable within a reasonable distance. it was maddeningly frustrating, but it worked. since moving to the city, however.. things have been more difficult. the first two years he'd managed to control himself, but as he ages his heats grow in strength and intensity, and the year previous he'd very nearly done something he knows he would have regretted - it started via a text, progressed to phone sex, and ended with tighnari at the foot of a stranger's door, so eager and hungry that he'd been prepared to throw himself at some nameless, faceless body he'd found on the internet in order to slake his impossible thirst. thankfully, once they'd answered the door, he'd gotten ahold of himself and declined, but it was a very narrow thing. casual sex simply isn't something that tighnari does. not with strangers.

which is exactly why he has a different plan, this year. he'd considered taking a vacation to somewhere distant again, to tough it out alone, but unfortunately that's simply not financially feasible at this juncture, so he'd had to give up on that idea. the next best thing, he'd thought, would be to simply.. find someone he trusts enough to spend his heat with, someone he knows well enough to admit his needs to, but not so well that it'd potentially ruin a long-standing relationship. collei was out of the question, she's always felt more like a sister to him. he'd considered cyno for awhile, but they've been so close for so long that tighnari couldn't bring himself to risk their relationship for something so fleeting. everyone else that he knows is a colleague, and that's entirely out of the question, he'd never be able to show his face in the akademiya again.

but aki.. aki fit the bill perfectly. he's certainly good looking. they don't work together, they're not as intimately close as he is with cyno, but close enough that tighnari trusts him, that he thinks that aki won't find it particularly weird or off-putting. this is a biological imperative, after all, it's not something that tighnari can control. even still, he'd been incredibly nervous to extend the offer.. having prepared for the worst, but finding himself instead surprised by the acceptance.

after that, all that was left was to take paid leave from work, and preparation. he'd spent two days cleaning his apartment and tending to his plants, as well as stocking up on plenty of snacks and sports drinks, fruits and granola bars and things that are easy to grab, that also provide good energy. he's premade his meals for the week and stocked them in the freezer, finished all of his laundry, and rearranged the living space, pushing the furniture toward the walls to build a comfortable nest of cushions and blankets in the middle of the room. finally, the night before he'd taken a long, luxurious bath to calm his nerves, and gone to sleep.

when he wakes, it's late into the night, moonlight streaming through the gauzy curtains pulled before the common room windows, and across the glass doors. he's hot all over, deeply uncomfortable, and so slick between the thighs that he's dampened his boxer briefs and sleeping shorts both. tighnari groans, rubbing both hands over his face. it's too early. aki isn't here yet, he's probably still asleep, but tighnari's body is positively aching all over, deep frustration setting into his bones. his scent is thick and cloying, sweet like honey and crisp like morning dew, and it permeates the space, making him dizzy. he thrusts a hand down the front of his shorts, rubbing his clit and fucking himself hard on his fingers, but it isn't enough, gods, it isn't enough. two unfulfilling orgasms later he's rolling onto his side and grabbing for his phone, typing out a hasty text, deleting it, typing it again. ]

Are you awake? Started early. Please.

Comments

[veardant]

[ tighnari wants to tell him that it'll all be all right, that everything will work out, but of course, he cannot. he can't promise something that isn't true. aki plays with his life every single day, and tighnari does not foresee an ending to the bloodshed, to the loss and grief, any time soon. gods, what is he doing, tangling himself up with so many devil hunters? he might as well be driving a knife into his own heart.

but it's too late now. far too late. aki has carved out a place for himself in tighnari's soul, and there can be no refilling the space he now occupies. ]

You don't need to thank me.

[ he murmurs, nuzzling nose and mouth to aki's cheek, his jaw, while his fingers smooth back through aki's sudsy hair, slicking it back, pushing the soap out of it. slowly, softly, tighnari begins to purr, the sound warm and gentle and hopefully soothing, as he presses soft kisses to his lover's skin, and offers kitten licks to the lobe of his ear, his purr rumbling through his words. ]

But you're welcome.

[ tighnari's words are a whisper, as he reaches for the soap, lathering up a cloth to begin gently cleaning aki's body, scrubbing his shoulders and back. ]

[unwinds]

[ Of course he needs to thank him, but it's not surprise that Tighnari insists that he doesn't need to. Normally, Aki would protest to being taken care of so thoroughly like this, as he is so often the caretaker, the one bearing the weight - but that isn't the case right now. Not with Tighnari. He simply lets his eyes fall shut to better appreciate his ministrations, the soft rumble of his purr, his kisses and tongue and hands, all scrubbing away not only at his body, but at his heart, too, at the corrosive infection that has festered there.

It washes away, leaving him feeling scoured and new, even as Tighnari continues to wash him, and soft, wistful sigh escaping. Words sit on his tongue, just behind his teeth, that he aches to say - but he can't. He knows he can't.

He's already said them with his heart and soul and body, anyway.

As Tighnari continues his work, Aki lifts one hand to one of his ears, rubbing gently, will the other reaches for his tail, scratching gently at its sensitive base. ]

[veardant]

[ it's a quiet chain of moments, as tighnari washes aki, grooming him as he would a mate, purring and humming and fussing gently over him. he scrubs everywhere he can easily reach, clearing away the sweat and grime of their lovemaking, carefully pouring water through aki's hair until it runs clean beneath his fingers.

he feels it, too, that pull. the words left unspoken, yet said so clearly by their minds and hearts and bodies, words that tighnari is afraid of, that he doesn't want to give voice to, no matter how real they feel in this moment. will it all burn away when his heat has passed..?

the more time passes, the more he thinks that it will not, that aki has nestled himself deep into tighnari's heart, a place from which he will not budge. tighnari swallows thickly, though he's calmed and soothed by the fingers at his ear, moving over sensitive skin, urging a soft plaintive sound from him, his eyelids fluttering closed. with aki now clean, tighnari shifts again, returning to his previous place with his back pressed to aki's chest, taking his free hand to tug aki's arm around his abdomen, his head pressing into the touch of those fingers. ]