![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
[ tighnari hates mirrors. he avoids them as much as possible.
of course, that's only so realistic. he needs to keep his appearance neat and well-groomed, but if he's honest, he spends as little time possible in front of the mirror while combing his long hair, or rubbing moisturizer into the fur of his tall ears. the akademiya's heavy robes help to conceal the shape of his body that he so detests, but they still only do so much.
tighnari is, by and large, a fearless creature. he can't stand how cowed he is by his own body, and how.. afraid he is, to be honest with the people who matter most to him. his family. his close friends. he has told them nothing about how he views himself, how he thinks of himself - himself - but his self-disgust is reaching a fever pitch that he can no longer rightfully ignore. he loves his life, he loves his work, the people around him, his classes - is it too much to ask to also want to love himself? this semester has been an endless struggle, painful, crushing, demotivating. at times it is difficult to even force himself from bed in the mornings, each and every day more difficult to face than the last. tighnari feels like he is drowning.
this has to end. he can't live like this. for better or worse.. he must be free.
and so he's invited kaveh to his little abode in sumeru city, in the housing district just outside the akademiya, where many students who cannot commute make their homes. it's a cozy space, crammed with books and papers and plants, so very many plants, draping pothos and philodendron, broad monstera, thick, squat little succulents along the windowsill - it's only one room, but it's got everything he needs.
tighnari is dressed down. he wears only a loose undershirt and a pair of shorts, and he stands before the mirror, stomach churning, his eyes sweeping over the curves of his chest. his throat clenches up tightly, the corners of his eyes prickling with tears he is far too stubborn to shed. on the bed are two objects: a pair of silver scissors, and a roll of heavy elastic bandages.
there's a knock at the door. tighnari's heart seizes up, pounding hard in his chest. he takes a deep breath. closes his eyes. exhales. ]
Come in.
of course, that's only so realistic. he needs to keep his appearance neat and well-groomed, but if he's honest, he spends as little time possible in front of the mirror while combing his long hair, or rubbing moisturizer into the fur of his tall ears. the akademiya's heavy robes help to conceal the shape of his body that he so detests, but they still only do so much.
tighnari is, by and large, a fearless creature. he can't stand how cowed he is by his own body, and how.. afraid he is, to be honest with the people who matter most to him. his family. his close friends. he has told them nothing about how he views himself, how he thinks of himself - himself - but his self-disgust is reaching a fever pitch that he can no longer rightfully ignore. he loves his life, he loves his work, the people around him, his classes - is it too much to ask to also want to love himself? this semester has been an endless struggle, painful, crushing, demotivating. at times it is difficult to even force himself from bed in the mornings, each and every day more difficult to face than the last. tighnari feels like he is drowning.
this has to end. he can't live like this. for better or worse.. he must be free.
and so he's invited kaveh to his little abode in sumeru city, in the housing district just outside the akademiya, where many students who cannot commute make their homes. it's a cozy space, crammed with books and papers and plants, so very many plants, draping pothos and philodendron, broad monstera, thick, squat little succulents along the windowsill - it's only one room, but it's got everything he needs.
tighnari is dressed down. he wears only a loose undershirt and a pair of shorts, and he stands before the mirror, stomach churning, his eyes sweeping over the curves of his chest. his throat clenches up tightly, the corners of his eyes prickling with tears he is far too stubborn to shed. on the bed are two objects: a pair of silver scissors, and a roll of heavy elastic bandages.
there's a knock at the door. tighnari's heart seizes up, pounding hard in his chest. he takes a deep breath. closes his eyes. exhales. ]
Come in.
[ Kaveh's never one to complain about getting out of the house. Since his mother's departure for Fontaine, the place has seemed quieter by the day. He's found himself spending more and more time at the House of Daena, or crashing at friends' or darshan-mates' houses, or even on the odd occasion at one of the city's taverns, drinking and playing card games into the late hours of the night. As such, the invitation from Tighnari is entirely welcome, perhaps almost a relief. He feels like he's barely seen his friend at all this semester; after all, coming toward the end of their respective studies as they are, they're both busy. And when he has seen her, she's looked tired, sometimes miserable to the point where he's nearly, nearly asked after her health— although in the end, he's always hesitated, held himself back.
Surely, he thinks, if she wanted his help, she would ask for it.
Which is why he's kind of relieved to be here now, wielding a tote bag full of snacks (fruits and cheeses, mainly, but a variety of mushrooms too— he's not about to forget those) and a couple of bottles of cheap beer for them to share. If Tighnari doesn't want to talk about it, that's okay— but at the very least he can be good company and a shoulder to lean on.
He's good at that.
Tighnari's voice sounds weak through the door, but it's an invitation, and so Kaveh lets himself in, eyes sweeping the room, brows creasing in concern as he takes in what he's seeing. Scissors, bandages, his friend in a relatively light state of dress compared to how he usually sees her, eyes closed as she stands in front of the mirror, something rigid in her posture that makes Kaveh's heart sink in his chest.
So much for waiting for her to come to him. So much for not getting involved.
He closes the door, takes a few hesitant steps forward. He doesn't understand anything that he's seeing but Tighnari needs his help and he can't wait for her to ask anymore— ]
`Nari? [ He reaches out, presses a hesitant, gentle hand into a soft, pale shoulder, and the hint of a tremble under the skin makes him want to cry. ] What do you need me to do?
Surely, he thinks, if she wanted his help, she would ask for it.
Which is why he's kind of relieved to be here now, wielding a tote bag full of snacks (fruits and cheeses, mainly, but a variety of mushrooms too— he's not about to forget those) and a couple of bottles of cheap beer for them to share. If Tighnari doesn't want to talk about it, that's okay— but at the very least he can be good company and a shoulder to lean on.
He's good at that.
Tighnari's voice sounds weak through the door, but it's an invitation, and so Kaveh lets himself in, eyes sweeping the room, brows creasing in concern as he takes in what he's seeing. Scissors, bandages, his friend in a relatively light state of dress compared to how he usually sees her, eyes closed as she stands in front of the mirror, something rigid in her posture that makes Kaveh's heart sink in his chest.
So much for waiting for her to come to him. So much for not getting involved.
He closes the door, takes a few hesitant steps forward. He doesn't understand anything that he's seeing but Tighnari needs his help and he can't wait for her to ask anymore— ]
`Nari? [ He reaches out, presses a hesitant, gentle hand into a soft, pale shoulder, and the hint of a tremble under the skin makes him want to cry. ] What do you need me to do?
[ from the start, from the moment he walks in, to the touch of his hand, to the gentle timbre of his voice.. he is kind. it's almost enough to undo him entirely, the warm pressure of kaveh's fingers threatening to break the strong, powerful dam that holds tighnari's aching heart back. he's so used to standing on his own, not because he must, but because he's proud, because he's always been a confident, upright soul, taking matters into his own hands, facing the world without fear. yet his foundations are cracking now, and without outside support, everything he is threatens to crumble. kaveh's voice is so soft. tighnari sucks in a harsh, rattling breath.
and then he turns toward him, searching his face. tighnari's eyes are watery, stinging, but still he refuses to allow the tears to fall, still he stubbornly clings to the torn ribbons of his pride. he swallows thickly, opens his mouth to speak, and says nothing. glancing aside, he tries again. ]
I -
[ he starts, but gods, where to begin? cold fear washes over him like a bucket of icewater dumped over his head. telling kaveh the truth.. tighnari is gambling everything on this, on the trust between them, the gut feeling that kaveh will support him, for if he doesn't.. well, that's it, isn't it? his secret will be out, it'll spread like wildfire across a dry field, and that will be that. he lifts his eyes to kaveh's face again, his hands tightening into fists at his sides, white-knuckled. his long ears fold back against his hair, his tail curling between his knees. ]
I just need you to.. to listen to what I have to say. To not hate me for what I need to tell you.
and then he turns toward him, searching his face. tighnari's eyes are watery, stinging, but still he refuses to allow the tears to fall, still he stubbornly clings to the torn ribbons of his pride. he swallows thickly, opens his mouth to speak, and says nothing. glancing aside, he tries again. ]
I -
[ he starts, but gods, where to begin? cold fear washes over him like a bucket of icewater dumped over his head. telling kaveh the truth.. tighnari is gambling everything on this, on the trust between them, the gut feeling that kaveh will support him, for if he doesn't.. well, that's it, isn't it? his secret will be out, it'll spread like wildfire across a dry field, and that will be that. he lifts his eyes to kaveh's face again, his hands tightening into fists at his sides, white-knuckled. his long ears fold back against his hair, his tail curling between his knees. ]
I just need you to.. to listen to what I have to say. To not hate me for what I need to tell you.
[ Oh, no. Whatever it is that's gotten under Tighnari's skin, Kaveh realizes, it's bad. He's never seen her quite like this, holding herself together but only just, crumbling under the pressure of something he can't see. It's a look he's seen on his own face in the mirror so many times before— but never Tighnari. She's always been the strong one, at least in his mind, the one who faces the world on her own terms and doesn't let anyone cut her down—
Perhaps, he realizes with a dull pang, it's as much of a mask as the one he himself wears. And he hates more than anything that he's never seen it before. ]
Of course. [ His hands lift, fingers smoothing along the lower lashes of those forest-colored eyes to brush away the tears before they can fall, hating too with all his heart the fear shining behind the irises as the other looks up at him. And what he wants to tell her is that there's nothing she could ever say to make him turn from her— but he knows that for him, that wouldn't be enough, that what she needs is the proof.
So he makes no such promises; instead, he nods, one hand lowering to take one of her fisted ones into its hold, his eyes soft as they meet hers. ]
I'm listening. [ It's a whisper, something said with the softest of smiles to try and encourage the words forth. He'll be here no matter what, no matter how awful or terrible a thing needs to be told. ]
Perhaps, he realizes with a dull pang, it's as much of a mask as the one he himself wears. And he hates more than anything that he's never seen it before. ]
Of course. [ His hands lift, fingers smoothing along the lower lashes of those forest-colored eyes to brush away the tears before they can fall, hating too with all his heart the fear shining behind the irises as the other looks up at him. And what he wants to tell her is that there's nothing she could ever say to make him turn from her— but he knows that for him, that wouldn't be enough, that what she needs is the proof.
So he makes no such promises; instead, he nods, one hand lowering to take one of her fisted ones into its hold, his eyes soft as they meet hers. ]
I'm listening. [ It's a whisper, something said with the softest of smiles to try and encourage the words forth. He'll be here no matter what, no matter how awful or terrible a thing needs to be told. ]
[ kaveh's eyes are full of warmth, full of gentle acceptance even before tighnari voices the truth of his heart. will it really be so easy? will kaveh truly not think he's some sort of.. freak? that he's broken? tighnari's throat works as he swallows thickly, and takes another deep breath. ]
You asked what I need you to do, and I..
[ tighnari's eyes are watery and stinging, and he has to summon all of his courage to lift them to kaveh's face, to look at him clearly. ]
I want you to.. to cut my hair for me. Short. And -
[ another breath, his heart pounding hard against his ribs. why is it so hard to say the words? forcing them out feels excruciating, so much of his life depends on this, right here, how this conversation goes. everything is riding on kaveh's reaction. tighnari is placing his bleeding heart into kaveh's hands, with perfect trust. ]
And to help me.. h-help me bind - my.. my chest -
[ tighnari's voice begins to crack at last, his vision blurring, and he breathes a low, frustrated sound like a strangled sob. ]
To help me not be - not be this anymore -
[ the tears fall, hot and plentiful, rolling unbidden down his cheeks. ]
You asked what I need you to do, and I..
[ tighnari's eyes are watery and stinging, and he has to summon all of his courage to lift them to kaveh's face, to look at him clearly. ]
I want you to.. to cut my hair for me. Short. And -
[ another breath, his heart pounding hard against his ribs. why is it so hard to say the words? forcing them out feels excruciating, so much of his life depends on this, right here, how this conversation goes. everything is riding on kaveh's reaction. tighnari is placing his bleeding heart into kaveh's hands, with perfect trust. ]
And to help me.. h-help me bind - my.. my chest -
[ tighnari's voice begins to crack at last, his vision blurring, and he breathes a low, frustrated sound like a strangled sob. ]
To help me not be - not be this anymore -
[ the tears fall, hot and plentiful, rolling unbidden down his cheeks. ]
[ And then, then it's not awful or terrible at all. Instead, Tighnari asks him to— to cut her hair, and bind her—
Oh.
Oh, this is big. Tighnari—
This is huge, isn't it?
But Tighnari, she— he, Kaveh reminds himself sternly, and promises in the very same thought to never need a reminder again— he needs it not to be this big thing. Right? What he needs right now is normality. In a world where this kind of admission is going to cause people to look at him differently to how they did before, to treat it as a curious or strange fact when it's frankly none of their business, Tighnari needs someone on his side who sees him for who he is, who sees it as a given, who brings normality to a world that is very much not.
(Or so Kaveh thinks, anyway. He's never really dealt with anything like this before.)
He takes a quiet breath, offers a gentle, understanding smile. ]
Okay, [ he says. For a moment he thinks about stopping everything and hugging the breath out of the other, but somehow he thinks it might be better to start with taking care of the things that are making his friend feel so out of sorts. Surely, he thinks, a hug will feel nicer for Tighnari if he can feel the flat of his chest pressed against Kaveh's, if the blonde's fingers can caress comfortingly through boyishly short strands of hair. And so instead of pulling him into a hug, Kaveh moves to grab the scissors, the roll of bandages from where they're lying on the bed. ]
Take your shirt off, okay? And— [ Kaveh pauses, considering the mirror for a moment or two.
If it were him, he doesn't think he'd be able to pull his eyes away even if he wanted to. And so, wordlessly, he pulls off the lightweight red overcoat he's wearing— leaving him clad in a loose white shirt and grey slacks— and drapes it over the mirror, adjusting it so that Tighnari can't look at himself even if he wants to. ]
Okay, that's better. Shirt off, Tighnari, and keep your eyes on me, okay. No looking down at yourself until I'm done.
Oh.
Oh, this is big. Tighnari—
This is huge, isn't it?
But Tighnari, she— he, Kaveh reminds himself sternly, and promises in the very same thought to never need a reminder again— he needs it not to be this big thing. Right? What he needs right now is normality. In a world where this kind of admission is going to cause people to look at him differently to how they did before, to treat it as a curious or strange fact when it's frankly none of their business, Tighnari needs someone on his side who sees him for who he is, who sees it as a given, who brings normality to a world that is very much not.
(Or so Kaveh thinks, anyway. He's never really dealt with anything like this before.)
He takes a quiet breath, offers a gentle, understanding smile. ]
Okay, [ he says. For a moment he thinks about stopping everything and hugging the breath out of the other, but somehow he thinks it might be better to start with taking care of the things that are making his friend feel so out of sorts. Surely, he thinks, a hug will feel nicer for Tighnari if he can feel the flat of his chest pressed against Kaveh's, if the blonde's fingers can caress comfortingly through boyishly short strands of hair. And so instead of pulling him into a hug, Kaveh moves to grab the scissors, the roll of bandages from where they're lying on the bed. ]
Take your shirt off, okay? And— [ Kaveh pauses, considering the mirror for a moment or two.
If it were him, he doesn't think he'd be able to pull his eyes away even if he wanted to. And so, wordlessly, he pulls off the lightweight red overcoat he's wearing— leaving him clad in a loose white shirt and grey slacks— and drapes it over the mirror, adjusting it so that Tighnari can't look at himself even if he wants to. ]
Okay, that's better. Shirt off, Tighnari, and keep your eyes on me, okay. No looking down at yourself until I'm done.
[ kaveh.. oh, kaveh..
relief floods tighnari's body from crown to toes, and his rapid breathing shudders, both hands lifting to his face. he needs a moment, a moment to come to terms with kaveh's kindness and willingness to help, with the fact that his world is not going to come crashing down around his ears, as he had half-expected it would. kaveh simply accepts what he is told, and tighnari feels a little guilty for having doubted him at all, when kaveh has been nothing but supportive and sweet from the moment they met.
soon he nods. ]
Okay. Okay..
[ the mirror is covered, which is for the best, he thinks, considering how often his gaze continues to flicker back toward it. his ears are still pinned back, his tail between his legs, but the hard set of his shoulders is beginning to relax as he scrubs the tears from his face, and sniffs.
and then he sets to work, snagging the hem of his undershirt and tugging it over his head. he wears nothing beneath it but his own skin, yet there's nothing to be anxious about, he thinks. he'd bared his entire heart to kaveh, this is nothing, in the face of what he has already exposed. kaveh makes him feel safe, tighnari fields no issue with him seeing his bare breasts. the shirt is discarded to the floor, and tighnari lifts his long, silky hair in one hand, then holds both arms up. ]
I'm.. I'm ready.
relief floods tighnari's body from crown to toes, and his rapid breathing shudders, both hands lifting to his face. he needs a moment, a moment to come to terms with kaveh's kindness and willingness to help, with the fact that his world is not going to come crashing down around his ears, as he had half-expected it would. kaveh simply accepts what he is told, and tighnari feels a little guilty for having doubted him at all, when kaveh has been nothing but supportive and sweet from the moment they met.
soon he nods. ]
Okay. Okay..
[ the mirror is covered, which is for the best, he thinks, considering how often his gaze continues to flicker back toward it. his ears are still pinned back, his tail between his legs, but the hard set of his shoulders is beginning to relax as he scrubs the tears from his face, and sniffs.
and then he sets to work, snagging the hem of his undershirt and tugging it over his head. he wears nothing beneath it but his own skin, yet there's nothing to be anxious about, he thinks. he'd bared his entire heart to kaveh, this is nothing, in the face of what he has already exposed. kaveh makes him feel safe, tighnari fields no issue with him seeing his bare breasts. the shirt is discarded to the floor, and tighnari lifts his long, silky hair in one hand, then holds both arms up. ]
I'm.. I'm ready.
[ The funny thing is that not once since Tighnari mentioned wanting his chest bound has Kaveh stopped and thought about the fact that the other has to get partially nude in order for him to do so. This isn't about that, after all. He's a man who can appreciate a nice pair of breasts, of course, but right now that's not what they are in his mind— they're something that makes Tighnari uncomfortable in his own skin, and nothing about that should be attractive to anyone. And so when that skin is bared to him, he doesn't fluster or flinch or hesitate; he just unrolls a decent length of the bandage, fingers laying its end against the outer side of one breast. ]
Hold this here for me until I wrap it around a couple times, just so it doesn't unwind.
[ Then, hesitant, not wanting to hurt his friend, Kaveh starts to wind the bandages around his chest.
The first attempt is abandoned just three circles into it as he realizes that, in trying to avoid pulling too tight, he's done nothing to bind the other's breasts back at all, and rather has essentially just decorated them with bandages. He huffs out a small sigh, murmurs an apology and unwinds the work, eyes finding Tighnari's face as he re-anchors the end against his breast, waits for the other to take it. ]
I don't want to hurt you, but I need to pull this tight for it to work. So you're gonna have to tell me if it's too much, okay? You still need to be able to breathe.
Hold this here for me until I wrap it around a couple times, just so it doesn't unwind.
[ Then, hesitant, not wanting to hurt his friend, Kaveh starts to wind the bandages around his chest.
The first attempt is abandoned just three circles into it as he realizes that, in trying to avoid pulling too tight, he's done nothing to bind the other's breasts back at all, and rather has essentially just decorated them with bandages. He huffs out a small sigh, murmurs an apology and unwinds the work, eyes finding Tighnari's face as he re-anchors the end against his breast, waits for the other to take it. ]
I don't want to hurt you, but I need to pull this tight for it to work. So you're gonna have to tell me if it's too much, okay? You still need to be able to breathe.
[ kaveh's reactions and responses are perfect, exactly what tighnari needs to see and hear. the moment of awkwardness after tighnari sheds his shirt is very brief, evaporating the moment kaveh begins to unroll the bandages without hesitation. there's nothing strange about this. there doesn't need to be anything strange about it. it's only the two of them, and the bond of trust between them, solidified by kaveh's kindness and acceptance.
tighnari nods, and does as bid, holding the bandage in place while kaveh makes his first attempt. it feels too loose, but tighnari keeps his eyes up as he had promised he would, his gaze fixed on kaveh's face.
but soon enough kaveh is unraveling the bandages again, trying again. ]
I'll be all right.
[ he says, his voice still a little tremulous, still a little thick with tears, but stronger than before. he holds the bandage against his breast again, and exhales a slow breath. ]
If it's too much, I'll tell you.
tighnari nods, and does as bid, holding the bandage in place while kaveh makes his first attempt. it feels too loose, but tighnari keeps his eyes up as he had promised he would, his gaze fixed on kaveh's face.
but soon enough kaveh is unraveling the bandages again, trying again. ]
I'll be all right.
[ he says, his voice still a little tremulous, still a little thick with tears, but stronger than before. he holds the bandage against his breast again, and exhales a slow breath. ]
If it's too much, I'll tell you.
[ He nods in response, moving around Tighnari to make sure he's in the other's eyeline as he smiles, aiming for something confident and comforting, before he starts working his way around the shorter man again, winding tighter this time, pulling the bandages taut as he goes. He doesn't stop this time, won't stop unless Tighnari tells him it's too much, and where he feels the temptation to worry about hurting, he focuses instead on the way that, with each wind, he can see the swell of Tighnari's breasts flatten.
At some point during the second wrap, it's too tight, and he has to stop and backtrack a little, allowing Tighnari more freedom to breathe before he continues on. It's during the third attempt that he finds himself feeling more courageous, confident enough in the motions to complete the wrap without pause. And when he's done, he finds himself standing in silence for a moment to consider the work.
Not bad, he thinks, but if Tighnari puts that undershirt he was wearing back on, it will practically undo the effort all on its own. ]
We're gonna need to go shopping— [ he says, an absent-minded murmur as he reaches to his own shirt, pulling it up and over his head and handing it to the other. ] —But until then, put this on.
At some point during the second wrap, it's too tight, and he has to stop and backtrack a little, allowing Tighnari more freedom to breathe before he continues on. It's during the third attempt that he finds himself feeling more courageous, confident enough in the motions to complete the wrap without pause. And when he's done, he finds himself standing in silence for a moment to consider the work.
Not bad, he thinks, but if Tighnari puts that undershirt he was wearing back on, it will practically undo the effort all on its own. ]
We're gonna need to go shopping— [ he says, an absent-minded murmur as he reaches to his own shirt, pulling it up and over his head and handing it to the other. ] —But until then, put this on.
[ kaveh's warm, gentle smile is a great comfort, and though tighnari's eyes still sting with trembling tears, he feels like he can breathe again. honestly, he feels like he can breathe for the first time in a long time. his secret is out, and the ground hasn't crumbled away beneath his feet. kaveh is a kind, trustworthy friend; tighnari had nothing to worry about to begin with.
they continue on, kaveh wrapping, unwinding, wrapping again, until at last it feels both snug and comfortable. tighnari's eyes flicker toward the mirror without thought, so it is a good thing that kaveh placed his jacket over it. not looking down is a truly difficult task, but he keeps his eyes up, keeps them fixed on kaveh's face until at last he's finished, and tighnari can lower his arms again. ]
I -
[ he starts, but kaveh is soon tugging his shirt off, placing it in tighnari's hands, and he's quite clearly shocked. ]
But, you - what about you?
[ he can't just go around topless!! ]
they continue on, kaveh wrapping, unwinding, wrapping again, until at last it feels both snug and comfortable. tighnari's eyes flicker toward the mirror without thought, so it is a good thing that kaveh placed his jacket over it. not looking down is a truly difficult task, but he keeps his eyes up, keeps them fixed on kaveh's face until at last he's finished, and tighnari can lower his arms again. ]
I -
[ he starts, but kaveh is soon tugging his shirt off, placing it in tighnari's hands, and he's quite clearly shocked. ]
But, you - what about you?
[ he can't just go around topless!! ]
[ Kaveh's smile is gentle when Tighnari lowers his arms. The other seems a little more at ease now than he did before— at least until the shock crosses his face, the blonde finding himself chuckling at something that reads like a morality-based panic. ]
My jacket is over the mirror, remember? I'll put it back on once we've cut your hair, so you don't have to worry about me.
[ He's halfway through reaching for the scissors when he pauses, a slight frown on his face. While he has no issue with being topless around Tighnari, what if the panic comes not from morality, but from something more dysphoric? What if it's uncomfortable for the other to be faced with a more obviously-masculine chest, right when he's still trying to come to terms with being open about who he is? ]
...It's not, uh, upsetting to you, is it? I can put it back on if you need that.
[ This is new territory for him, after all, but the last thing he wants is for Tighnari to be upset by anything he might do. ]
My jacket is over the mirror, remember? I'll put it back on once we've cut your hair, so you don't have to worry about me.
[ He's halfway through reaching for the scissors when he pauses, a slight frown on his face. While he has no issue with being topless around Tighnari, what if the panic comes not from morality, but from something more dysphoric? What if it's uncomfortable for the other to be faced with a more obviously-masculine chest, right when he's still trying to come to terms with being open about who he is? ]
...It's not, uh, upsetting to you, is it? I can put it back on if you need that.
[ This is new territory for him, after all, but the last thing he wants is for Tighnari to be upset by anything he might do. ]
( continued from here! )
[ There are a lot of ways today could have gone, but in Kaveh's mind, this was never one of them. And that's not to say that he's never thought of Tighnari that way— to the contrary, the opposite is true if anything. The Forest Watcher is someone with his head properly on his shoulders. He knows what he wants out of life and how to go about getting it. Meanwhile, Kaveh is pretty much a mess. A horny, desperate mess.
Honestly, it's tempting to wonder if he's the victim of some kind of prank— the only thing convincing him that he's not is that Tighnari simply isn't that kind of person.
If someone else happened to be in possession of his device, though...
It's a thought almost horrifying enough to make Kaveh turn back, to go home in a pathetic attempt to pretend none of it ever happened, but if this is real and he's not being messed with, Tighnari will probably never forgive him, and so he presses on, making his way out of the city proper and to Tighnari's place in Gandharva Ville.
Still, he's hesitant as he knocks on the door, a slight frown creasing his features. ]
It's me. [ A pause. ] Kaveh.
[ There are a lot of ways today could have gone, but in Kaveh's mind, this was never one of them. And that's not to say that he's never thought of Tighnari that way— to the contrary, the opposite is true if anything. The Forest Watcher is someone with his head properly on his shoulders. He knows what he wants out of life and how to go about getting it. Meanwhile, Kaveh is pretty much a mess. A horny, desperate mess.
Honestly, it's tempting to wonder if he's the victim of some kind of prank— the only thing convincing him that he's not is that Tighnari simply isn't that kind of person.
If someone else happened to be in possession of his device, though...
It's a thought almost horrifying enough to make Kaveh turn back, to go home in a pathetic attempt to pretend none of it ever happened, but if this is real and he's not being messed with, Tighnari will probably never forgive him, and so he presses on, making his way out of the city proper and to Tighnari's place in Gandharva Ville.
Still, he's hesitant as he knocks on the door, a slight frown creasing his features. ]
It's me. [ A pause. ] Kaveh.
Edited 2023-04-30 10:01 (UTC)
Upsetting me?
[ tighnari looks confused, for a moment, before he puts it all together. ah. kaveh is concerned for his state of mind, how he might feel seeing kaveh without a shirt. he cannot lie, tighnari absolutely feels envious, looking at him - he has everything that tighnari wants, and effortlessly.. but he wouldn't begrudge his friend anything. kaveh has been nothing but supportive, especially tonight.
tighnari shakes his head. ]
No, don't worry about it. It's not upsetting me.
[ a beat, and tighnari drops his gaze a little. ]
.. thank you, Kaveh.
[ tighnari looks confused, for a moment, before he puts it all together. ah. kaveh is concerned for his state of mind, how he might feel seeing kaveh without a shirt. he cannot lie, tighnari absolutely feels envious, looking at him - he has everything that tighnari wants, and effortlessly.. but he wouldn't begrudge his friend anything. kaveh has been nothing but supportive, especially tonight.
tighnari shakes his head. ]
No, don't worry about it. It's not upsetting me.
[ a beat, and tighnari drops his gaze a little. ]
.. thank you, Kaveh.
Come in.
[ tighnari is ready. he's more than ready. he's aching.
kaveh may not be valuka shuna, he may not understand heat cycles, and the sheer depth of tighnari's need right now, while his season is upon him, but he may still detect the sweet scent of tighnari's heat, sharp and invasive. if he doesn't, likely he will the moment he walks in the door.
tighnari's hut is quiet and dark, lit only by the light of a small candle at his bedside. the shutters and curtains are drawn, and everything is silent - silent save for the sound of shifting fabric, followed by a low, soft moan. he's in his bed, tangled up in rumpled sheets, stripped entirely nude with one hand between his parted thighs, two fingers buried deep. tighnari arches, his ears pinned back, his gaze lidded as he watches kaveh's silhouette. just the sight of him is enough to make tighnari's entire body tighten up with desperate need. ]
Please..
[ tighnari is ready. he's more than ready. he's aching.
kaveh may not be valuka shuna, he may not understand heat cycles, and the sheer depth of tighnari's need right now, while his season is upon him, but he may still detect the sweet scent of tighnari's heat, sharp and invasive. if he doesn't, likely he will the moment he walks in the door.
tighnari's hut is quiet and dark, lit only by the light of a small candle at his bedside. the shutters and curtains are drawn, and everything is silent - silent save for the sound of shifting fabric, followed by a low, soft moan. he's in his bed, tangled up in rumpled sheets, stripped entirely nude with one hand between his parted thighs, two fingers buried deep. tighnari arches, his ears pinned back, his gaze lidded as he watches kaveh's silhouette. just the sight of him is enough to make tighnari's entire body tighten up with desperate need. ]
Please..
[ The blonde is quick to shake his head, the smile on his face relieved— that truly is the last thing he would want, to cause further upset when he's just trying to help. Tighnari needs for him to be an ally, a confidant, and Kaveh will do anything to make sure that nothing he says or does can possibly get in the way of that.
...Mm. He should see if he can find literature on the subject when he goes to the House of Daena next.
For now, though, long fingers reach out to cup Tighnari's chin, a gentle tug to pull that gaze back to his face, so that the other man can see him shake his head again. ]
You don't have to thank me for this.
[ If anything, there's a small part of him that feels guilty. If only he'd been able to catch it sooner— ]
Tell me how you want your hair. [ A pause, and then, dramatically: ] And don't just say "short". Being a man does not excuse you from having a fashion sense!
...Mm. He should see if he can find literature on the subject when he goes to the House of Daena next.
For now, though, long fingers reach out to cup Tighnari's chin, a gentle tug to pull that gaze back to his face, so that the other man can see him shake his head again. ]
You don't have to thank me for this.
[ If anything, there's a small part of him that feels guilty. If only he'd been able to catch it sooner— ]
Tell me how you want your hair. [ A pause, and then, dramatically: ] And don't just say "short". Being a man does not excuse you from having a fashion sense!
[ There's no denying the fact that Kaveh is a smart man. He graduated from the Akademiya, he's taught the occasional lecture for junior classes, and while he may reject the title out of a sense of contempt for his own person, he's widely considered to be a genius. Even though biology isn't his specialization, he knows what a heat is, and between Tighnari's general attitude and the sweet, but unfamiliar scent that hits his nostrils the moment he walks in the door, he can only guess that that's what's happening here.
The complete lack of shame displayed by his friend and the low, begging tone in his voice only serves to strengthen his internal thesis. Not that he's really giving said thesis that much thought outside the cursory, because he's too busy staring, crimson eyes round at the sight in front of Tighnari— Well, he was already vaguely horny from their earlier flirting, but this is something else.
Kaveh swallows, and shifts from one foot to the other, wavering. This is a lot, all at once, and for a brief moment, he's unsure. ]
I. Uh. Right. What do you need, Tighnari?
[ Kaveh is a smart man, but sometimes he is very dumb. ]
The complete lack of shame displayed by his friend and the low, begging tone in his voice only serves to strengthen his internal thesis. Not that he's really giving said thesis that much thought outside the cursory, because he's too busy staring, crimson eyes round at the sight in front of Tighnari— Well, he was already vaguely horny from their earlier flirting, but this is something else.
Kaveh swallows, and shifts from one foot to the other, wavering. This is a lot, all at once, and for a brief moment, he's unsure. ]
I. Uh. Right. What do you need, Tighnari?
[ Kaveh is a smart man, but sometimes he is very dumb. ]
[ when those gentle fingers take his chin, tighnari lifts his eyes again, and they're wide and watery and unsure, but soon the edges begin to soften.
of course tighnari needs to thank him for this - for not only accepting him, but encouraging him, helping him shape himself into the person he wants the be. needs to be. the person that he is. but he won't argue it further. ]
Oh, um..
[ he.. hadn't really thought much past simply cutting it all off, and being rid of it. again, tighnari glances toward the mirror, but it's still obscured. ]
.. what do you think? I trust your judgment. I don't want it any longer than my shoulders.
of course tighnari needs to thank him for this - for not only accepting him, but encouraging him, helping him shape himself into the person he wants the be. needs to be. the person that he is. but he won't argue it further. ]
Oh, um..
[ he.. hadn't really thought much past simply cutting it all off, and being rid of it. again, tighnari glances toward the mirror, but it's still obscured. ]
.. what do you think? I trust your judgment. I don't want it any longer than my shoulders.
[ oh, lack of shame is absolutely right.
tighnari is a confident man, his parents raised him to never be ashamed of himself, to be assertive and knowledgeable, to never back down, and tighnari has applied that to all walks of his life. he does not hesitate. he grasps for the things he wants, the things he needs, and right now, he needs kaveh to stop fucking around. ]
What do you think I need?
[ he says, just a little shortly, before his fingers slide deeper still, urging a low, soft moan from his lips. his free hand searches across the blankets, snagging them in a fistful. ]
I need you to come over here and help me forget my own name.
tighnari is a confident man, his parents raised him to never be ashamed of himself, to be assertive and knowledgeable, to never back down, and tighnari has applied that to all walks of his life. he does not hesitate. he grasps for the things he wants, the things he needs, and right now, he needs kaveh to stop fucking around. ]
What do you think I need?
[ he says, just a little shortly, before his fingers slide deeper still, urging a low, soft moan from his lips. his free hand searches across the blankets, snagging them in a fistful. ]
I need you to come over here and help me forget my own name.
[ Kaveh's lips purse, a thoughtful expression on his face as he looks down at the other— and he's certainly glad that he kept the mirror covered, what with the way he sees those eyes slide over towards it.
He may be good with art, but he's no stylist, and he doesn't want to do something too complicated lest he make a mess of it— But Tighnari trusts his judgment. So the blonde takes a deep breath, considering in silence for a moment the shape of the other's face, the way the soft fur of his ears blends into the dark strands, the gradient of shade from the top of his scalp to the ends, closer in color to the highlights in his tail...
Kaveh nods, fingers shifting to push Tighnari's hair back, gathering and twisting it in a few different styles, until eventually a smile finds his lips. ]
I think... I've got an idea. [ This time, when Kaveh reaches for the scissors, he's successful, and it's with a warm smile that he turns back to Tighnari. ] Stay facing me, okay?
[ Ideally, he'd use a mirror for this, but the inconvenience is minor compared to what his friend might otherwise feel. He'll work without for now. ]
He may be good with art, but he's no stylist, and he doesn't want to do something too complicated lest he make a mess of it— But Tighnari trusts his judgment. So the blonde takes a deep breath, considering in silence for a moment the shape of the other's face, the way the soft fur of his ears blends into the dark strands, the gradient of shade from the top of his scalp to the ends, closer in color to the highlights in his tail...
Kaveh nods, fingers shifting to push Tighnari's hair back, gathering and twisting it in a few different styles, until eventually a smile finds his lips. ]
I think... I've got an idea. [ This time, when Kaveh reaches for the scissors, he's successful, and it's with a warm smile that he turns back to Tighnari. ] Stay facing me, okay?
[ Ideally, he'd use a mirror for this, but the inconvenience is minor compared to what his friend might otherwise feel. He'll work without for now. ]
[ ...Right. Of course. Kaveh's ears burn, but he doesn't say anything else just yet— on account of not wanting to make himself look like even more of a fool, mostly— and instead just nods, crossing the floor on quick, light steps of sandalled feet until he can sit next to the other on his bed. He's barely seated before he reaches out to grasp the wrist of that thrusting, searching hand and pulling it free—
(and there's a moment, anxious and unsure, where Kaveh is almost positive he'll be scolded or shoved away for taking liberties, for jumping so willingly into this at the middle instead of at the start where these things usually would be)
—and replacing Tighnari's fingers with his own, hesitating only long enough to slick them up in the wetness between the other man's thighs. His fingers are thin, but they're long, allowing him to press more deeply right from the first, trying to match the rhythm the other had already set for himself.
If he's right, and this is a heat, the other is going to need as much as Kaveh can give to him, so... ]
Tell me what kinds of things you like.
[ But it's not quite the request it may sound like on the surface, because Kaveh uses his other hand as he says it to find purchase of Tighnari's side, to urge him back to the bed so that the blonde's lips can angle into the pale skin of his throat, seeking reactions now not only with his fingers but with his mouth in kind. ]
(and there's a moment, anxious and unsure, where Kaveh is almost positive he'll be scolded or shoved away for taking liberties, for jumping so willingly into this at the middle instead of at the start where these things usually would be)
—and replacing Tighnari's fingers with his own, hesitating only long enough to slick them up in the wetness between the other man's thighs. His fingers are thin, but they're long, allowing him to press more deeply right from the first, trying to match the rhythm the other had already set for himself.
If he's right, and this is a heat, the other is going to need as much as Kaveh can give to him, so... ]
Tell me what kinds of things you like.
[ But it's not quite the request it may sound like on the surface, because Kaveh uses his other hand as he says it to find purchase of Tighnari's side, to urge him back to the bed so that the blonde's lips can angle into the pale skin of his throat, seeking reactions now not only with his fingers but with his mouth in kind. ]
[ covering the mirror was indeed the right call, for tighnari can't help but want to peer into it again and again. it's not healthy, how obsessive he feels about it, how he feels the need to stare at himself in some sick cycle of self-disgust and hatred, abhorred by his own body. kaveh is a sharp man.
he's quiet while kaveh watches him, surveying what will soon be his work, saying nothing when he grabs handfuls of hair to test different styles, until at last he's smiling. he must have stumbled upon something he liked. tighnari takes a deep breath, and exhales slowly; gods, he's more than ready. ]
Okay.
[ he nods, straightening up and squaring his shoulders. ]
I'm ready.
he's quiet while kaveh watches him, surveying what will soon be his work, saying nothing when he grabs handfuls of hair to test different styles, until at last he's smiling. he must have stumbled upon something he liked. tighnari takes a deep breath, and exhales slowly; gods, he's more than ready. ]
Okay.
[ he nods, straightening up and squaring his shoulders. ]
I'm ready.
[ kaveh pulls his hand away, and tighnari exhales a whine of protest, shifting against the sheets; he can hardly bear the resounding emptiness left behind. his mouth opens, readying a sharp retort -
.. but then come kaveh's long, slim fingers sliding into his body, and tighnari keens, the muscles in his thighs twitching as he spreads them further, his hips hitching upward. hot and slick, his walls clench tightly around those invading fingers, squeezing as he rolls his body, sleek and smooth, his breath catching hard. ]
Kaveh -
[ it takes him a few moments to clear his mind a little, to hear just what it is that kaveh is asking of him, and then to parse it. what he likes.. so kaveh wants direction. that's fine. tighnari is happy to give it. he speaks in a voice gone low and rough with heady desire. ]
Mmn.. I like your lovely long fingers. [ he starts, while his now freed hand snakes across the covers, smoothing along kaveh's upper thigh. ] And I want to know how your mouth tastes.
[ the lips at his throat earn another pleased whine, tighnari's free hand sinking into kaveh's hair, squeezing, his sharp claws pricking his scalp. ]
Be rough with me. I'm not made of glass.
.. but then come kaveh's long, slim fingers sliding into his body, and tighnari keens, the muscles in his thighs twitching as he spreads them further, his hips hitching upward. hot and slick, his walls clench tightly around those invading fingers, squeezing as he rolls his body, sleek and smooth, his breath catching hard. ]
Kaveh -
[ it takes him a few moments to clear his mind a little, to hear just what it is that kaveh is asking of him, and then to parse it. what he likes.. so kaveh wants direction. that's fine. tighnari is happy to give it. he speaks in a voice gone low and rough with heady desire. ]
Mmn.. I like your lovely long fingers. [ he starts, while his now freed hand snakes across the covers, smoothing along kaveh's upper thigh. ] And I want to know how your mouth tastes.
[ the lips at his throat earn another pleased whine, tighnari's free hand sinking into kaveh's hair, squeezing, his sharp claws pricking his scalp. ]
Be rough with me. I'm not made of glass.
[ His fingers— How his mouth tastes— Rough— ]
Alright.
[ His voice is rough around the edges, the attraction starting to awaken and unfurl deep in his muscles and bones now that he's temporarily silenced the anxiety, a determination followed further when he lifts his head from the other's throat to find his mouth instead, capturing it with an insistent press of his own, a kiss interrupted only by a murmur, a request that his friend tell him if he pushes it too far.
(Because Kaveh doesn't usually start in the middle, not like this, but this is what Tighnari needs, and he'd be lying if he said there was no attraction, that he'd never thought about this—)
There's a pleased hiss into the other's mouth at the prickling sensation over his scalp, and Kaveh is ever obedient in the way he answers the last of the other's wants, free hand taking a tight hold of Tighnari's hip to keep him steady, still, as his long fingers press and seek in a smooth rhythm, thumb moving to rub and press into the bundle of nerves at the apex of the other's core. ]
Alright.
[ His voice is rough around the edges, the attraction starting to awaken and unfurl deep in his muscles and bones now that he's temporarily silenced the anxiety, a determination followed further when he lifts his head from the other's throat to find his mouth instead, capturing it with an insistent press of his own, a kiss interrupted only by a murmur, a request that his friend tell him if he pushes it too far.
(Because Kaveh doesn't usually start in the middle, not like this, but this is what Tighnari needs, and he'd be lying if he said there was no attraction, that he'd never thought about this—)
There's a pleased hiss into the other's mouth at the prickling sensation over his scalp, and Kaveh is ever obedient in the way he answers the last of the other's wants, free hand taking a tight hold of Tighnari's hip to keep him steady, still, as his long fingers press and seek in a smooth rhythm, thumb moving to rub and press into the bundle of nerves at the apex of the other's core. ]
Okay, [ Kaveh repeats, and he takes a little breath, squaring his shoulders, mentally preparing himself for what he's about to do. Worst case scenario, he can take Tighnari to a proper stylist to have it fixed, made proper, once he's more comfortable with the way he presents outwardly.
But he's an artist, and despite his nerves, his hands are steady, making careful cuts in all the right places, circling Tighnari to make sure he has the viewpoints that he needs without the mirror to help him; it takes him much longer than it might a professional, and when it's done it's not perfect, but it's certainly much better than Kaveh allowed himself to expect, and by the time it's done, he's smiling. ]
Good, [ he murmurs, and then he reaches out, straightening the shirt that hangs on Tighnari's shoulders, adjusting it until the difference in size between the two of them is less obvious. Only then does he reach for his own jacket, pulling it off the mirror and revealing their reflection to his friend—
And he finds himself holding his breath, because Tighnari looks so good in Kaveh's mind; he just hopes the other man thinks as much too. ]
But he's an artist, and despite his nerves, his hands are steady, making careful cuts in all the right places, circling Tighnari to make sure he has the viewpoints that he needs without the mirror to help him; it takes him much longer than it might a professional, and when it's done it's not perfect, but it's certainly much better than Kaveh allowed himself to expect, and by the time it's done, he's smiling. ]
Good, [ he murmurs, and then he reaches out, straightening the shirt that hangs on Tighnari's shoulders, adjusting it until the difference in size between the two of them is less obvious. Only then does he reach for his own jacket, pulling it off the mirror and revealing their reflection to his friend—
And he finds himself holding his breath, because Tighnari looks so good in Kaveh's mind; he just hopes the other man thinks as much too. ]
Page 1 of 3